The Misconception of Coming Out

What does it  truly mean to come out? Is it announcing to the world one's sexual desires and acts, wearing rainbow paraphernalia and loud colors or is it that moment of identification, proudly accepting one's sexuality and being okay with it? There is no right or wrong answer, but there is a big misconception about the subject. Recently I posed the question: do you think coming out is important? Why or why not; to which an assortment of diverse answers were submitted and that’s when I noticed a trend. Not only does it seem as if a lot of gay black men are against coming out, but they also view the action negatively.

“What I feel is most important is that one must feel comfortable with himself. I am proud of WHO and WHAT I am, but I don't feel the need to have to wear a tee-shirt and parade my sexuality to prove myself to anyone. what I do sexually doesn't define Who nor What I am. and that is a 100% man. I live my own life as I please and Love who i please without restrictions or definitions.”

“Coming out doesn't even mean what it use to mean. When you’re grown and live your own life then you don't have to broadcast that you like boy pussy and or dick. Like I always say regardless of who I lay down with I'm still the same person.”

“LMAOOO....NOT IMPORTANT TO ME ITS NO ONES BUSINESS BUT THE ONE IM DATING AND WHOEVER ELSE I CHOOSE TO TELL...IM NOT TELLING NO ONE ANYTHING OR ANSWERING NO QUESTIONS IF YOUR NOT IMPORTANT TO MY LIFE.”

Seeing such comments I had to ask myself if I am the one with the misunderstanding. Never have I known coming out to mean broadcasting to the world one's sexual exploits or painting a vivid image of what occurs in one’s bedroom. In fact, I thought coming out was an act of individual catharsis, self-identity, or even just liberation. Liberation from the oppressed thought that homosexuality is such a taboo subject that it should be kept a secret; hidden from the rest of the world. Viewing coming out as unimportant is exactly the old fashioned idea that continues to set gay individuals back throughout the world. How can we expect others to become comfortable with the subject when we ourselves are the main saboteurs?

I take comfort in the fact that there are indeed like-minded individuals in the world as myself. Individuals who know that coming out is not about making your co-workers uncomfortable or advertising his or her personal business, but instead realize that coming out is an everyday journey. It is the acceptance of one’s own sexual orientation, and the comfort that comes with it.

“Important. Especially if you intend to date someone who is "OUT". It can only be an equitable relationship if you're meeting each other half way the entire way. I can't be introducing you to my family as my boyfriend, meanwhile when we go around your family I'm your "friend". I think it's a form a disrespect to the person who is OPEN, and I think it completely devalues the relationship. Don't get me wrong, if you're kicking it with a dude and for the first 3-8 months nothing comes up then fine. but after like 8 months it becomes hard to deny that you're dating someone especially if they start showing up at events. The very nature of humans is curiosity. Let's be real, though, people are NOT stupid, I personally think it's hilarious to see what lengths people will go to just to disguise their true sexuality.”

Without question, the definition of coming out is different for each individual and regardless of how necessary/unnecessary some may find it to be, there is a large misconception of what coming truly is. Coming out has and will always be that clear line between living comfortably or living based on the impressions of others. The only question left to answer is what side of the line would you rather live on?

“It is liberating and freeing if u will..I would say ALL GAY FOLKS need to come to out to themselves...make sure u comfortable with being gay b4 anyone else is comfortable with u...”

Being An Individual

Going through the hundreds on top of hundreds of documents spread across computer, I found many of my writings that I had long ago misplaced and forgotten about. Among them was my American Identity Project that I wrote for my Junior year in my Harlem Renaissance course. This was one of my favorite courses during my undergrad years for various reasons. Among those being that I think that was the year that I truly came in tune with myself. Well I won't go into to much detail but instead will let my essay speak for itself. This first essay is entitled "Being an Individual" and was my introduction to my portfolio on Individuality. 

America is nicknamed “the land of opportunity,” a handle that has different meanings for different people. When I think of America, I think of a land of freedom and endless possibilities, but not so long ago, some possibilities weren’t offered to certain people. For example, in his 1751 essay “America as a Land of Opportunity,” Benjamin Franklin modeled the land of opportunity to only include whites saying, “Why increase the Sons of Africa, by Planting them in America, where we have so fair an Opportunity, by excluding all Blacks and Tawneys, of increasing the lovely White and Red?”

At the time, Franklin was promoting for more Europeans to migrate to America and work, as land was so plentiful and cheap that anyone could come over and start a new life. This essay could solely be linked to the American Dream notion; the idea that in America, if you do what you have to and work hard enough, all of one's dreams could come true. That was 1751, and I for one am glad that Franklin’s notion didn’t last long because in time America has become very integrated.

One of the best things about America is the diversity that the country consists of. Surpassing Franklin’s “the land of opportunity” idea, America has continuously become home to many unique and different people, people of different shapes, colors, ideas, and beliefs. Aside from the numerous economic opportunities, freedom of speech and the freedom of religion, I think that the best thing about America is the chance for any and everyone to express their individuality.

All across the country, people express their individuality in many different ways such as the way they dress and the music that they listen to. In my portfolio, I’m exploring my own individuality and how important it is for me to have. I came to this topic because I am one of the many homosexual males in America, leading a lifestyle that is somewhat frowned upon by society. In reference to the insert by Benjamin Franklin, I chose it because while on the surface he is advocating a land of only whites, deep down he is rejecting those who were different ,such as people of color and, if it came down to it, homosexuals. What he did not realize was that it would be the diversity of people, along with their beliefs, values, and morals, that would make America so great. 

Some people may not agree with the ways others express their individuality, but what should be remembered is that it is our individuality that makes us all unique, and having the freedom to express it is what makes America great. I leave you with the thoughts of James Baldwin:

“Our passion for categorization, life neatly fitted into pegs, has led to unforeseen, paradoxical distress; confusion, a breakdown of meaning. Those categories which are meant to define and control the world for us have boomeranged into chaos, in which limbo we swirl, clutching the straws of our definitions. We find ourselves bound, first without, then within, by the nature of our categorization.”

Baldwin wrote this to describe the chaotic social environment of the United States during the Civil Rights Movement, but I think that it appropriately fits here. Baldwin was expressing his belief in unnecessary labeling and categorizing of people of color and difference. As the Civil Rights Movement for equality was countered with violence, perhaps Baldwin was foreshadowing that similar events would continue to occur in the quest for tolerance reflected in today's tumultuous times.