Allies vs Friends

One of the cornerstones of Gay Pride is education. From its inception, Pride has always offered opportunities for members of the community, and outsiders, to be educated on safer sex practices, activism through community organizing, and educating the world at large about the spectrum of being Gay. Although society has come a long way in accepting Homosexuality and gender expression, there still remains a divide in allyship, especially when it comes to trans individuals. Thanks to a recent interview with NeNe Leakes and TS Madison, we're reminded that there is still work to be done.

On here June 11th podcast episode, Leeks sat down with TS Madison, one of today's most visible trans women working in the entertainment industry, to discuss Madison's upcoming projects and most recent accomplishments. It's a great interview, but things quickly take a left turn when the subject of dating sexually fluid men arises and leads to an uncomfortable exchange between the two as Madison attempts to educate the podcast host on the topic. In real time, Leaks demonstrates how she, and many members of society, continue not to view trans women as women, and how toxic masculinity can also be upheld by women, as she fails to equate a man who is attracted to a female-presenting trans individual as a real man.  (See Below)

Conversations regarding anything related to the LGBT community are often difficult, but are made easier when met from a place of understanding. This exchange is only made more shocking given that Leakes has been a long-standing presence in gay culture and spaces, with many considering her to be an ally. 

When it comes to sexuality, Black men are often the most harshly judged group. Burdened by expectations and limitations based on toxic masculinity, many aren't ever given the space to nurture their curiosities without facing judgment from peers. Having a one-off experience with someone of the same sex doesn't immediately or indefinitely define one's sexuality. 

Following the release of the episode, backlash regarding Leakes' comments has been swift, with many outright condemning her lack of understanding and perceived willful ignorance; however, what should be focused on is how TS continued to speak with grace while educating. 

As we celebrate Pride, we must remember that pride should be celebrated every day, and even the closest ally can still need to be educated.

Changing the Conversation of Black Homosexuality

Black men are stepping to the forefront to help change the narrative surrounding LGBT existence and acceptance within the African American community. There are two major misconceptions regarding homosexuality in the African American community. One, that our community is somehow more homophobic than any other ethnic group and two, have only helped to nuture and enforce homophobia for generations with black gay men carrying the weight of the argument. This misconception has been enforced for generations through religion and the media but as we near the end of 2019 however Black men are now stepping to the forefront to combat this misconception and change the narrative about homophobia and its existence in the Black community.

Recently the rapper Jidenna did an interview with Sway's Universe where he discussed the presence of homosexuality existing in Africa long before the invasion of Europeans, combating the myth that homosexuality was something introduced. "If you go to Zimbabwe...you'll see homosexual acts in cave paintings...there was never a time where this didn't exist, or where it was hands down that homosexuals were wrong." Jidenna, born in Nigeria, is the perfect person to shed light on the subject to his American fanbase.

As an ally of the LGBT community he's very aware of the daily struggles of Black men facing homophobia within the African American community. The artist even touched on the recent suicide of Maurice Willoughby, the young man who committed suicide after being bullied on the internet and in his everyday life for dating a transgendered woman. Speaking on his suicide and the circumstances that led up to it, he questioned whether the bullying is what ultimately led to his drug addiction and abuse of his girlfriend before eventually overdosing.

Maurice Willoughby 

The existence of homophobia within the African American community created the environment for this young man to be bullied into suicide simply for loving someone. Long have black men, and celebrities, been shamed for their attraction to transwomen but finally a celebrity is speaking out to also combat that taboo.

Addressing Maurice Willoughby's suicide as well, Malik Yoba shared a lengthy post where he addressed how intolerance led to the circumstances of Willoughby's suicide, "...the uniformed young men around him haven't been taught by us that love and acceptance if Trans love is ok..." The actor also announced his support of trans attracted individuals and came out as a trans attracted individual himself ending the post with, "as a self identified cis heterosexual man I too am learning what it means to be trans attracted. Many of us famous and otherwise that have struggled with accepting our attraction so we do nothing. This must change."

With entertainers like both Jidenna and Malik Yoba using their platform to lead these discussions and promote change maybe this much needed change isn't far away and more  Black Male celebrities will join in on the conversation. You can check out Jidenna's full interview below.

Christian Keyes Is An Artist Not Ally.

While it's no secret that Hollywood loves casting heterosexuals to portray homosexual characters, one would think that most, if not all, actors who take on these roles would be 100% secure with their sexuality. Unfortunately, even in 2019 the male heterosexual ego remains fragile as ever, as showcased by actor Christian Keyes recent rant on Instagram where he addressed the unwelcomed attention he receives from gay men on his social media accounts. Link to video below.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Br9tD4UgBMR/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=3kgpgytmez4e

 Aside from respecting his sexual preference, Keyes rant is damaging as it only further demonstrates the issues of casting non homosexuals to portray homosexual roles in film and television. As much as these actors respect others truths and appreciate the support the truth is often very few are allies of the LGBT Community. Surely Keyes knows he is not the first heterosexual male to be ogled and hit on by fans of the same sex. Heterosexual stars like actor Ryan Reynolds and R&B singer Tank are well known for embracing gay fans without taking offense to flirtatious behavior. Instead of ignoring male advances, or being flattered to receive them, Keys has to defend his fragile sexuality and in turn only alienates his fans and showcases a degree of homophobia.

The best thing Keyes could have done in this situation was to just ignore any and all messages received by males after all, at this point in his career any interesting opportunities wouldn't and shouldn't be presented via his inbox. Given that Keyes portrays a gay man on the CW series Legends of Tomorrow, one doesn't know how his comments will effect his work going forward considering Hollywood's low tolerance for any type of homophobia, no matter how blanketed they may be.

All About Pretty Boys

Growing up gay always comes with a set of unique problems, especially in small towns like Ashford, North Carolina. Homophobia and harassment at the hands of parents, peers, teachers, and residents were only tips of icebergs, and for years Jeffrey Booth encountered and endured such issues alone until it took an irreparable toll on him; his life. Pretty Boys is the beginning to a series of books chronicling the lives of four ordinary young high school boys whose worlds are disrupted after the death of their respective friend, classmate, lover, and neighbor, whose death begins a tumultuous search for the truth about his passing and the events that led to it. Considered a local tragedy, the only thing that is certain to almost everyone in town is Jeffrey’s sexuality brought on his circumstances.

             A coming of age novel, Pretty Boys focuses on many of the issues individuals in the gay community face daily at the hands of strangers, friends and family alike and the consequences they can produce. Issues of bullying, homophobia, violence, coming out, and learning self-acceptance and love are prevalent throughout the novel as the four protagonists each deal with their grief and the growth that follows. Soon they are faced with making the decision whether to allow Jeffrey to become a cautionary tale for the small quiet town, or to allow his passing to actually stand for something.

Pretty Boys features a variety of distinct characters who showcase the range within LGBT communities and the differences we each encounter growing up and dealing with our own sexuality. Terry the town’s newest resident, August the ostentatious socialite, Darrin the most popular kid in his class, and Demi the breakout star of the basketball team each are at different stages of realizing their sexuality. For some of us, we realize and embrace our uniqueness early in life, while others may take years to realize and accept. Ultimately there is a character for every reader, gay or straight, to relate to as the characters embark on their individual and collective journeys.

          Pretty Boys was originally featured on www.wattpad.com to help garner attention and an audience, but upon completion was removed for sales and distribution. The novel was self-published through www.lulu.com, and is also featured on Amazon.com and on Amazon kindle.

The Misconception of Coming Out

What does it  truly mean to come out? Is it announcing to the world one's sexual desires and acts, wearing rainbow paraphernalia and loud colors or is it that moment of identification, proudly accepting one's sexuality and being okay with it? There is no right or wrong answer, but there is a big misconception about the subject. Recently I posed the question: do you think coming out is important? Why or why not; to which an assortment of diverse answers were submitted and that’s when I noticed a trend. Not only does it seem as if a lot of gay black men are against coming out, but they also view the action negatively.

“What I feel is most important is that one must feel comfortable with himself. I am proud of WHO and WHAT I am, but I don't feel the need to have to wear a tee-shirt and parade my sexuality to prove myself to anyone. what I do sexually doesn't define Who nor What I am. and that is a 100% man. I live my own life as I please and Love who i please without restrictions or definitions.”

“Coming out doesn't even mean what it use to mean. When you’re grown and live your own life then you don't have to broadcast that you like boy pussy and or dick. Like I always say regardless of who I lay down with I'm still the same person.”

“LMAOOO....NOT IMPORTANT TO ME ITS NO ONES BUSINESS BUT THE ONE IM DATING AND WHOEVER ELSE I CHOOSE TO TELL...IM NOT TELLING NO ONE ANYTHING OR ANSWERING NO QUESTIONS IF YOUR NOT IMPORTANT TO MY LIFE.”

Seeing such comments I had to ask myself if I am the one with the misunderstanding. Never have I known coming out to mean broadcasting to the world one's sexual exploits or painting a vivid image of what occurs in one’s bedroom. In fact, I thought coming out was an act of individual catharsis, self-identity, or even just liberation. Liberation from the oppressed thought that homosexuality is such a taboo subject that it should be kept a secret; hidden from the rest of the world. Viewing coming out as unimportant is exactly the old fashioned idea that continues to set gay individuals back throughout the world. How can we expect others to become comfortable with the subject when we ourselves are the main saboteurs?

I take comfort in the fact that there are indeed like-minded individuals in the world as myself. Individuals who know that coming out is not about making your co-workers uncomfortable or advertising his or her personal business, but instead realize that coming out is an everyday journey. It is the acceptance of one’s own sexual orientation, and the comfort that comes with it.

“Important. Especially if you intend to date someone who is "OUT". It can only be an equitable relationship if you're meeting each other half way the entire way. I can't be introducing you to my family as my boyfriend, meanwhile when we go around your family I'm your "friend". I think it's a form a disrespect to the person who is OPEN, and I think it completely devalues the relationship. Don't get me wrong, if you're kicking it with a dude and for the first 3-8 months nothing comes up then fine. but after like 8 months it becomes hard to deny that you're dating someone especially if they start showing up at events. The very nature of humans is curiosity. Let's be real, though, people are NOT stupid, I personally think it's hilarious to see what lengths people will go to just to disguise their true sexuality.”

Without question, the definition of coming out is different for each individual and regardless of how necessary/unnecessary some may find it to be, there is a large misconception of what coming truly is. Coming out has and will always be that clear line between living comfortably or living based on the impressions of others. The only question left to answer is what side of the line would you rather live on?

“It is liberating and freeing if u will..I would say ALL GAY FOLKS need to come to out to themselves...make sure u comfortable with being gay b4 anyone else is comfortable with u...”