Black, Gay and Married: the Primetime Relationship We've Longed to See

Despite the number of LGBT characters presented onscreen today only a small fraction are of color. Furthernore, of that percentage very few are safe from falling into the category of being portrayed stereotypically. As the diversity of LGBT characters continues to be featured more prominently in film and television, Black gay men are finally getting the chance to see themselves reflected as something more than that of a comedic prop, or as an accessory to an interracial relationship. NBC's newest series, Council of Dads, features the first married Black gay couple on a prime time television sitcom, a huge step even in the year 2020. Playing the roles of Oliver and Peter, are J. August Richards and Kevin Daniels, with Richards' character being one of three fathers helping the Perry family adjust after the death of the family's father, an event that completely changes the dynamic of the family going forward.

Daniels is an out actor who has appeared on shows such as Modern Family, Sirens, and Why Women Kill. Richards became a household name as a series regular on Angel, and has interestingly enough, despite having played predominantly "straight" roles previously in Hollywood, Richards also used this casting opportunity to officially come out to the world, revealing that he also identifies as gay. Needless to say, having gay Black characters protrayed by actual Black gay men is a refreshing step away from straight actors taking on gay roles. Speaking with the advocate about his coming out and incorporating it into the show Richards stated, "It was important to me that the nuances of the experience of being a Black gay man were represented on this show, because otherwise, why am I even doing it?"

Outside of the couple, the series also features a transgender child in the Perry family. This visibility is important and continues to highlight the diversity that exists within the LGBT community. Years ago I asked the question where were all the happy black gay couples on prime time television. It seems we finally have the answer.

Watch new episodes Thursdays, 10pm et. 

Dwyane Wade is America's Father Figure

As if America needed another reason to aspire to the parenting goals of Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union, the pair just raised the bar for parents. Wade has previously shared how his child revealed her preference for being addressed by pronouns like she and her, and now Wade has shared that she now prefers to be called Zaya. Wade and his family have been supportive of Zaya's journey, despite when the public hasn't. The family even received scrutiny for attending gay a pride event during 2019. Regardless, nothing has stopped the Wade family from surrounding Zaya with love.

Wade made the revelation during an interview on the Ellen DeGeneres show, where he recounted the conversation with Zaya. "When our child comes home with a question, when our child comes home with an issue, when our child comes home with anything, it's our job as parents to listen to that, to give them the best information we can, the best feedback we can... and that doesn't change because sexuality is now involved."

Fathers like Wade are helping to move away from the stigma of having a gay child, rejecting the notion of disowning or causing harm because of ones sexuality. A stigma within the African American community, that has been challenged as recently as Kevin Harts insensitive comments of how he would handle having a gay son. Comments which led to backlash and caused Hart to lose his spot as the host for that years Oscars. Fast forward two years later and the conversation surrounding parenting and homosexuality has changed greatly. Wade comments offer a new look at the evolution of Black fathers, especially amongst public figures. Father's day is still a few months away however it is never too early, or late, to celebrate Black father figures and those who are helping to change the idea of what it means to be a father in a non traditional family unit.

Pastor Troy Channels Internalized Homophobia for Clout

(Former) rapper Pastor Troy has crawled from under the rock that was dropped on him in 2020 to audition for a role on Love and Hip Hop. On Wednesday, the artist found himself prompted to share a homophobic rant about this past Sunday's Grammys and its pushing of the gay agenda. Now even I, with over 15 years of homosexual experiences, am not sure what the gay agenda is but Troy seems to be in the know. The artists comments were fueled by both Lil Nas X first Grammy win and his choice of fashion. The sight of the young black man celebrating his accomplishment was enough to cause Troy to rant on Instagram in a now deleted post.

While wrapped in homophobia, what's actually being showcased is his own insecurities surrounding his own sexuality. Numerous studies have been conducted over the years to support how homophobia often correlates with repressed sexuality, especially among men. His statement itself is contradicted by both former and recent Grammy winners who dress what society would deem masculine. Perhaps struggling with his own homosexuality, this rant could be a cry for help. Or, more likely, the "rapper" is simply using inflammatory commentary to bring attention to his less than memorable career. Like the adage goes, all press is good press, and even though the post has been deleted it will continue to live in internet infamy.

Changing the Conversation of Black Homosexuality

Black men are stepping to the forefront to help change the narrative surrounding LGBT existence and acceptance within the African American community. There are two major misconceptions regarding homosexuality in the African American community. One, that our community is somehow more homophobic than any other ethnic group and two, have only helped to nuture and enforce homophobia for generations with black gay men carrying the weight of the argument. This misconception has been enforced for generations through religion and the media but as we near the end of 2019 however Black men are now stepping to the forefront to combat this misconception and change the narrative about homophobia and its existence in the Black community.

Recently the rapper Jidenna did an interview with Sway's Universe where he discussed the presence of homosexuality existing in Africa long before the invasion of Europeans, combating the myth that homosexuality was something introduced. "If you go to Zimbabwe...you'll see homosexual acts in cave paintings...there was never a time where this didn't exist, or where it was hands down that homosexuals were wrong." Jidenna, born in Nigeria, is the perfect person to shed light on the subject to his American fanbase.

As an ally of the LGBT community he's very aware of the daily struggles of Black men facing homophobia within the African American community. The artist even touched on the recent suicide of Maurice Willoughby, the young man who committed suicide after being bullied on the internet and in his everyday life for dating a transgendered woman. Speaking on his suicide and the circumstances that led up to it, he questioned whether the bullying is what ultimately led to his drug addiction and abuse of his girlfriend before eventually overdosing.

Maurice Willoughby 

The existence of homophobia within the African American community created the environment for this young man to be bullied into suicide simply for loving someone. Long have black men, and celebrities, been shamed for their attraction to transwomen but finally a celebrity is speaking out to also combat that taboo.

Addressing Maurice Willoughby's suicide as well, Malik Yoba shared a lengthy post where he addressed how intolerance led to the circumstances of Willoughby's suicide, "...the uniformed young men around him haven't been taught by us that love and acceptance if Trans love is ok..." The actor also announced his support of trans attracted individuals and came out as a trans attracted individual himself ending the post with, "as a self identified cis heterosexual man I too am learning what it means to be trans attracted. Many of us famous and otherwise that have struggled with accepting our attraction so we do nothing. This must change."

With entertainers like both Jidenna and Malik Yoba using their platform to lead these discussions and promote change maybe this much needed change isn't far away and more  Black Male celebrities will join in on the conversation. You can check out Jidenna's full interview below.

Jess Hilarious: Just a Mess

With homophobic thoughts and comments ending careers left and right nowadays, one would think that celebrities would be more cautious of their words, especially when it comes to the usage of social media. It seems as if every week there’s a new person in the hot seat for either their past or current comments; this week’s celebrity facing the wrath of the internet is comedian Jess Hilarious. Known mostly for her shade room commentary on Instagram, the comedian responded to a comment on a post, allowing her inner homophobia fly.

When fans began to call her out for usage of the slur, Jess initially doubled down with her comments, void of any remorse. It wasn’t until the sparks of a backlash grew into a wildfire that she offered an apology to the LGBT community, although there was no mention of the male she actually insulted.

While Jess has enjoyed a small rise to fame, comments such as these will undoubtedly stall, if not completely stop, her from reaching A-list celebrity status.

The Misconception of Coming Out

What does it  truly mean to come out? Is it announcing to the world one's sexual desires and acts, wearing rainbow paraphernalia and loud colors or is it that moment of identification, proudly accepting one's sexuality and being okay with it? There is no right or wrong answer, but there is a big misconception about the subject. Recently I posed the question: do you think coming out is important? Why or why not; to which an assortment of diverse answers were submitted and that’s when I noticed a trend. Not only does it seem as if a lot of gay black men are against coming out, but they also view the action negatively.

“What I feel is most important is that one must feel comfortable with himself. I am proud of WHO and WHAT I am, but I don't feel the need to have to wear a tee-shirt and parade my sexuality to prove myself to anyone. what I do sexually doesn't define Who nor What I am. and that is a 100% man. I live my own life as I please and Love who i please without restrictions or definitions.”

“Coming out doesn't even mean what it use to mean. When you’re grown and live your own life then you don't have to broadcast that you like boy pussy and or dick. Like I always say regardless of who I lay down with I'm still the same person.”

“LMAOOO....NOT IMPORTANT TO ME ITS NO ONES BUSINESS BUT THE ONE IM DATING AND WHOEVER ELSE I CHOOSE TO TELL...IM NOT TELLING NO ONE ANYTHING OR ANSWERING NO QUESTIONS IF YOUR NOT IMPORTANT TO MY LIFE.”

Seeing such comments I had to ask myself if I am the one with the misunderstanding. Never have I known coming out to mean broadcasting to the world one's sexual exploits or painting a vivid image of what occurs in one’s bedroom. In fact, I thought coming out was an act of individual catharsis, self-identity, or even just liberation. Liberation from the oppressed thought that homosexuality is such a taboo subject that it should be kept a secret; hidden from the rest of the world. Viewing coming out as unimportant is exactly the old fashioned idea that continues to set gay individuals back throughout the world. How can we expect others to become comfortable with the subject when we ourselves are the main saboteurs?

I take comfort in the fact that there are indeed like-minded individuals in the world as myself. Individuals who know that coming out is not about making your co-workers uncomfortable or advertising his or her personal business, but instead realize that coming out is an everyday journey. It is the acceptance of one’s own sexual orientation, and the comfort that comes with it.

“Important. Especially if you intend to date someone who is "OUT". It can only be an equitable relationship if you're meeting each other half way the entire way. I can't be introducing you to my family as my boyfriend, meanwhile when we go around your family I'm your "friend". I think it's a form a disrespect to the person who is OPEN, and I think it completely devalues the relationship. Don't get me wrong, if you're kicking it with a dude and for the first 3-8 months nothing comes up then fine. but after like 8 months it becomes hard to deny that you're dating someone especially if they start showing up at events. The very nature of humans is curiosity. Let's be real, though, people are NOT stupid, I personally think it's hilarious to see what lengths people will go to just to disguise their true sexuality.”

Without question, the definition of coming out is different for each individual and regardless of how necessary/unnecessary some may find it to be, there is a large misconception of what coming truly is. Coming out has and will always be that clear line between living comfortably or living based on the impressions of others. The only question left to answer is what side of the line would you rather live on?

“It is liberating and freeing if u will..I would say ALL GAY FOLKS need to come to out to themselves...make sure u comfortable with being gay b4 anyone else is comfortable with u...”