Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Skin Only Gets So Thick
My Muse has been putting in overtime this weekend. I’m going to have to give her a tip. Here I am, yet again, giving my limitless insight into yet another issue among society. As long as there are school children there will be bullying. Let me reiterate, as long as there is ignorance in the world there will be bullies. Bullying stems from individuals who have been taught to ostracize those who are different, an aspect that is learned not inherited. This is learned by youths who parents teach intolerance and understanding instead of love and compassion. It is a vicious cycle that I am ashamed to say made its way into the 21st century.
Moving right along, bullying is nothing new but when you view the alarming rise of suicides among LGBT youths it shines a new light and degree or severity that bullying takes on a person. Hence why I am so concerned at one person’s comment about the subject, “When I was growing up you developed a thick skin and took what life dished out. Somehow we need to pass this on to our youth."
Okay, this bothered me on many and I do mean MANY different levels. First let me state that when it comes to bullying I am very sensitive because I have firsthand experience with the situation. I was not per say bullied, but I was harassed and teased and the effects are ALL the same. But let’s make this less about me and more about the situation at hand. One can never develop a “tough” enough skin to deal with an onslaught of harassment on a day to day basis for something as simple as how he or she looks.
What such a comment suggests to me is that harassment is simply a way of life that should be gotten used to. That is a major misconception! No one anywhere, whether they are gay or straight, should ever have to become comfortable with being harassed or tormented by an individual.
Suggesting that individuals develop a “thick skin” and take what life dishes out is a very ignorant statement. In layman terms, such a statement translates to, “learn to deal with the hate and abuse. It is a part of life.” This is certainly not true and I think that anyone that feels this is true has some dark and hidden issues with themselves.
When we examine the alarming rates of teen suicides, especially among homosexual youths, the severity of the issue becomes especially clear. Bullying is a serious issue that has dire consequences. LGBT youths are four times more likely to commit suicide in comparison to their heterosexual counterparts. Being gay and finding the strength to embrace one's sexuality is hard enough to deal with, without the added pressure of being bullied and harassed on a daily basis by peers and sometimes parents.
Instead of prompting youths to “toughen up” we all should embrace our youths and teach them to be comfortable with themselves and others. We should teach them understanding, compassion, tolerance and respect. No matter one's religious background, upbringing, and sexuality, at the end of the day we are ALL humans and the only thing we want is to be loved.
The Talk
Recent conversations have made me question if we as black gay men are honest when it comes to sex. Per usual I posed a question in the various groups that I am a part of posing the question ‘Sex on the first date: Yes or No?’ As usual the answers varied widely and though I normally don’t venture into debates the responses from the particular question really stuck out to me. One person stated, “Hell No! U must be real easy to give yourself up on the first night. Nigga's will never turn down ass. But an upscale bitch that knows there "worth", will turn down many of dicks! #ThatsAll”
Now I’m all for freedom of speech and expression and despite the fact that I asked for opinions this particular comment just annoyed me. Maybe it was the fact that it came off a little condescending towards those who answered yes, or maybe it was the fact that this was a response that came from a man who incorporates Sex-Appeal Satisfaction Guaranteed into his screen name (talk about being easy). Anyway back to the subject at hand, from that one comment some of the other comments took a U-turn and I began to look at these responses and the men posting them and found myself wondering if we as Black Gay Men are completely honest when it comes to sex.
Let’s be honest, a lot of us LOVE sex. Not saying that we are all about sex but when it comes to the act we thoroughly enjoy it. There is nothing wrong with that. But when I posted my question a lot of people mistook the idea that I was trying to present. When I asked ‘Sex on the first date: Yes or No?’ I wasn’t asking if sex is a guarantee on the first date only asking if it was an option. Now that I have cleared my question up let me clarify the meaning of a date.
Yes to some a date may be inclusive of jumping online, and searching through nearby half clothed gentlemen to come over, but I was referring to the traditional aspect. A person whom you have conversed with for a period of time and that you are moderately interested in so you two decide to have an outing together. This is a person who you like talking to and spending time with and that you have grown to know as a person.
Though most people mistook the conversation it doesn’t change that I feel that some of us aren’t being completely honest when it comes to sex. Sex in the aspect of: Who we have it, when we have it, how often we have it and how we go about attaining it. Such as the topic of having sex on the first date, too often black gay men participate in activities profusely but when the topic is brought out in the open they shy away from acknowledging their participation.
I feel that this itself is an everlasting effect of homophobia. Just as with the DL epidemic, some black gay men feel that they must hide their true nature feeling somewhat ashamed of themselves. Just as there aren’t many who will admit that they have (and will) have sex on the first date, there are those who won’t admit to attending a sex party, having sex with a random person or even something as simple as admitting to having a page of A4A or BGC.
I’m not saying black gay men should boast and tell everyone about the things he does but to just ponder why he doesn’t tell the things that he keeps to himself. Think about it, the things that you kept secret deep down inside why do you keep such things hidden? Is it for pure privacy and discretion or is it shame and fear of not being understood.
Coming to Terms
Coming to Terms is my first novel and one of my greatest accomplishments to date. It is a coming of age tale about a young man named Justice Rae and the struggle with his sexuality and self-esteem. It isn’t an autobiography but I will admit that there are pieces of me within the character Justice. Aside from that, I would like to think that any homosexual adolescent will see themselves in the character and be able to relate to him and his struggle.
What prompted me to write this book is the fact that there weren’t/aren’t any books pertaining to this particular topic. (Or that I am aware of). All books that I have encountered have either been targeted to adult homosexual males and their relationship or adult black gay men not accepting their sexuality. Though they were good to read none of those books truly spoke to me.
I remember reading On The Down Low by J.L. King in High School realizing that ‘this isn’t me. I’ve always accepted my sexuality.’ And I think that was the turning point for me and my writing. I always knew that I wanted to be an author, I felt that I could write any and everything that there is to be written but I finally had a target audience that I could cater too. I wanted to write a novel that related to adolescents between the ages of thirteen and seventeen. Something they could read and know that they weren’t in this alone because personally, I didn’t have anything to relate to as I dealt with my sexuality.
Coming to Terms began on one lazy summer afternoon when I was bored at home with nothing to do but write. I wanted to write a love story showcasing the unity between two males but it quickly transformed into something more. I’ve always had a strong compassion towards young adult literature so I figured why not write something that could encompass multi genres as well as relate to readers coming into their sexuality along with those who at one time struggled with theirs.
Though the protagonist is a homosexual, as a reader you don’t have to be in order to read and enjoy his journey. Coming to Terms also deals with the dynamics of family, exploring how one's sexuality impacts those around him or her, as well as how the views of individuals can hurt and influence a closeted homosexual.
There are three important things that I want each reader to take away from Coming to Terms . First is that love is genderless and colorless and that the heart wants what the heart wants, also readers must realize that some no matter how bad we may want certain things, there are just things that aren’t meant for us to have, and finally through finding love is important self-love is the most important love anyone can find.
I self-published Coming to Terms through Lulu.com so everything, the good and the bad, falls on me. It has been an amazing journey and it’s not even close to being over. I accept all feedback and criticism, no matter how good or bad, because at the end of the day it will only make me a better and stronger writer.
Coming to Terms is available at www.amazon.com in paperback and on amazon kindle.
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