Gay Is The New Black

In my personal opinion, I feel that the African American community is the biggest critic when it comes to homosexuality, especially among men. The idea of the African American male is this Alpha male, head of the household, breadwinner, ultra masculine, never see him cry type figure or in short the complete opposite of what some people believe homosexual males are. I think this hype, of course, stems from the effects of slavery. It’s an ongoing backlash from African-American males having their dignity stripped and pride broken for years with hope nowhere in sight.

Because of this, the African-American community put emphasis on the new found freedom of  men, expecting us to be the strong superior males that slavery denied us to be, which consequently creates a view that any man willing to have sex with another  man is for lack of better words weak.

I myself find a major flaw with this. As a group, African-Americans should be some of the biggest advocates for the LGBTQ community as not very long being black was the equivalent of being gay today.

Too often the same arguments posed against homosexuals are those that whites used to keep African American’s enslaved for years, even using religion to support their belief that they were our superiors and we were an inadequate species made to serve them. Aside from this, slavery left an everlasting impression on the African American community which leads me to ask the question ‘after years of oppression and injustice why would we subject another group of individuals to the same treatment?’ ‘After years of being persecuted for something as simple as our skin pigmentation, an aspect of ourselves that we didn’t choose, why would we persecute a group for being born a certain way?’ ‘After being lynched, burned, beaten, dragged, and whipped why would we turn around and indulge in the same activities towards others.’

If being gay means being hated and persecuted for the way one is born then it is safe to say that being gay is ironically the new black. Everything about Gay Rights parallels the fight African American’s faced for Civil Rights which is more reason I believe the African American Community should be more sympathetic to the LGBTQ community and their plight. Only time will tell if African American’s will face the reality of the struggle or continue to hinder the struggle.

Does Virtue Still Exist?

A member of the group Black Gay and Proud on Facebook posed the question if it was a good idea to have sex with his boyfriend of three weeks as a BIRTHDAY GIFT. At first I took it as a joke but later in the conversation it was clear how serious and adamant he was about committing and losing his virginity.

“Ok I'm still a virgin and I have been dating this dude for like 3 weeks now, well of course during our time being together I have left him sexually frustrated because I'm a bottom and I'm scared of what's going to happen after such as our relationship and my body but when I thought I was ready and was wanting him he told me he didn’t think I was ready, now his birthday is in 2 weeks, should I go ahead and do it or should I wait because honestly I feel that I'm ready, I think I'm mature enough to handle whatever happens.”

So my response to him was the standard ‘wait until you’re ready, your virtue is important to you’ which I still stand by only to be met with resistance from another commenter who wrote:

“Some of you sound like idiots. Clearly this Andrew wants to engage, and his partner felt he wasn't mature enough to handle what may come as a result. Perhaps when you felt you were ready, he wasn't due to your perhaps unsanitary position. Omit advice regarding "virginity is sacred" "something you'll never get back" Spoken from the cum guzzlers mouth at the age of 14. Get a grip on reality, if you want to fuck, fuck. If not, move on and focus less on teasing and more on academics...”

“Spoken from the cum guzzlers mouth…if you want to fuck, fuck.” What type of advice is that?? It’s sad to say that his negative experiences and probably lack of a proper role model added to his negative view of cherishing virginity and using discretion when to lose.

From the negative response to the post, which I hope is ignored by everyone, I began to wonder is virtue lost to black gay men? And if so why?

Virtue is defined as “Conformity to a standard of right; morality” and “chastity especially in a woman.”

I am aware that we live in a society that tends to hold males sexual experience to a different degree than that of women, seemingly expecting men to get as much practice as possible while women should wait for one special person. Regardless of this idea I think that virtue is equally important to both sexes. Unfortunately some black gay males throw virtue out the window at a whim when faced with temptation.

These are the individuals who begin having sexual encounters by the age of fourteen, which often immediately transcends into multiple partners. Often at times, these sexual encounters are unprotected which then leads way into an entirely new world of dangers and risks.

This ties into my idea of why virtue is important and why one should truly be ready and committed to a person before going as far as giving a person their virginity, let alone before having sex with him (or her).

I feel that one’s virtue is one of the most important aspects of a person’s individuality. Some of us put more emphasis on it than others but the end result is the same; if you want anyone to respect you, you have to respect yourself.

Coming to Terms

Coming to Terms is my first novel and one of my greatest accomplishments to date. It is a coming of age tale about a young man named Justice Rae and the struggle with his sexuality and self-esteem. It isn’t an autobiography but I will admit that there are pieces of me within the character Justice. Aside from that, I would like to think that any homosexual adolescent will see themselves in the character and be able to relate to him and his struggle.

What prompted me to write this book is the fact that there weren’t/aren’t any books pertaining to this particular topic. (Or that I am aware of). All books that I have encountered have either been targeted to adult homosexual males and their relationship or adult black gay men not accepting their sexuality. Though they were good to read none of those books truly spoke to me.

I remember reading On The Down Low by J.L. King in High School realizing that ‘this isn’t me. I’ve always accepted my sexuality.’ And I think that was the turning point for me and my writing. I always knew that I wanted to be an author, I felt that I could write any and everything that there is to be written but I finally had a target audience that I could cater too. I wanted to write a novel that related to adolescents between the ages of thirteen and seventeen. Something they could read and know that they weren’t in this alone because personally, I didn’t have anything to relate to as I dealt with my sexuality.

Coming to Terms began on one lazy summer afternoon when I was bored at home with nothing to do but write. I wanted to write a love story showcasing the unity between two males but it quickly transformed into something more. I’ve always had a strong compassion towards young adult literature so I figured why not write something that could encompass multi genres as well as relate to readers coming into their sexuality along with those who at one time struggled with theirs.

Though the protagonist is a homosexual, as a reader you don’t have to be in order to read and enjoy his journey. Coming to Terms also deals with the dynamics of family, exploring how one's sexuality impacts those around him or her, as well as how the views of individuals can hurt and influence a closeted homosexual.

There are three important things that I  want each reader to take away from Coming to Terms . First is that love is genderless and colorless and that the heart wants what the heart wants, also readers must realize that some no matter how bad we may want certain things, there are just things that aren’t meant for us to have, and finally through finding love is important self-love is the most important love anyone can find.

I self-published Coming to Terms through Lulu.com so everything, the good and the bad, falls on me. It has been an amazing journey and it’s not even close to being over. I accept all feedback and criticism, no matter how good or bad, because at the end of the day it will only make me a better and stronger writer.

Coming to Terms is available at  www.amazon.com in paperback and on amazon kindle.