Black as Me

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 I was born into a world of restrictions and contradictions,

which in my youth had led me to believe

That I could be whatever I wanted to be. 

Although the faces that were presented as motivation 

only reflected pale ghostly figures.
No one Black, like me.

I grew and conceded, 

As I learned that the world
I once thought was so free and accepting 

was cruel, and demanding a price too rich for my blood 

How can I compete in a world where my skin is my greatest enemy?
Haunting and taunting me.

Reminding me of all the things society won't let me be.

Hell, they won't even let me breathe.

Waiting on something, patience and worshiping have yet to achieve

How does anyone survive being Black?

As me.

Memoirs of a Writer pt. 1

Writing has always been a passion of mine. My earliest memory goes back to when I was 9 years old in the 4^th grade. I created this journal with the intention of expressing myself and documenting every aspect of my life. After that, I remember being in the 5^th grade when I progressed from using loose-leaf paper to my first real journal!!

I got it from the school's book fair, and when I saw it, I knew I had to have it! It was blue, with the image of a full moon and two wolves standing on a mountain. It was so alluring and special to me that it got me through a lot of hard times.

It was in my journal that I wrote my very first poem, entitled All Eyes on Me. Unfortunately, I don’t exactly remember how the poem goes, but it was about the constant negative attention I felt I was receiving because of my skin tone. Thanks to this new outlet, I submitted my poem in the school’s poetry competition and, of all people, I placed second!! Yes, I would have liked to have won, but I was satisfied with just placing and being acknowledged!

From that point, I poured my heart out every chance I got, writing my way to a new chapter in my life.

To Be Continued…

2011 My year in Review

As 2011 comes to an end I find myself reminiscing about the events that have made this year so interesting and memorable. This has been the first year that I’ve truly felt as if I’m an adult, facing all the challenges and roadblocks head-on. Since the beginning of the year, I have done some pretty extraordinary things and I think that this upcoming year will be even better.

2011 has been the first year in about 20 that I have not been in school. Not being in enrolled in school is sort of a bitter sweet feeling as I can do things on my accord and concentrate on other projects, but there is still a part of me that yearns to return to school. I don’t necessarily know if it’s because school is somewhat of a safety net for me, because it’s what everyone else wants me to do, or simply because I like the thrill of receiving an education. After this year’s hiatus I do believe that 2012 will find me inside the classroom once again as either way there is still a lot I can learn to help polish my craft. 

As far as my craft goes 2011 will always be marked as the year I became a published author. On February 2 I published my first book Coming To Terms under my professional name Anton Maurice. The entire experience has been an eye-opener and I can’t say anything bad about the experience, but I will say that a lot of work and determination goes into everything you do. My advice to all writers who are thinking about self-publishing is to just do it! It’s the best way to get good and honest feedback about your work. Also get used to criticism, good and bad, it only helps you in the end.

I’m still not through with my first book as I’m always hustling to try and gain a publishing contract but until that happens I’m working on a second book that I hope to evolve into a series of books along with a potential television script. Hopefully, all my projects will come together in the New Year.

Though it may sound like it, 2011 wasn’t all just work I did find time to relax and enjoy myself with two major trips: One to Miami for Sizzle and the second to Cancun, Mexico. Sizzle was quite an experience, I wouldn’t call it a pride event, but it was definitely an eye opener seeing all the different variations of black gay men from across the world. I made a lot of new friends and also got a glimpse at what being caught up in “the lifestyle” can do to a person. Maybe next year I will return, but after eight-plus hours inside a car, I know that next time I’ll be flying.

Cancun was a totally different type of trip as it wasn’t gay orientated like the trip to Miami. Regardless this was the better trip of the two as I got to experience an entirely different culture. Once my friends and I landed in Mexico I must say I experienced culture shock from the realization that for the first time being an American meant to be a minority. It wasn’t about race, as I felt as if race really didn’t matter, everyone was equal to one another.

The New Year is quickly approaching and I’m anxious to see what the year will hold. My aspirations for the New Year are simple as I just want to continue to grow as a person and prosper with my profession. I started two new projects one which is my blog, which you are currently reading, and the other is a group of writers on Facebook. The group consists of bloggers, poets, musicians, published authors and everything else in between. We’ve gotten a lot of projects done and hopefully the New Year will bring new members and more creativity. My blog will continue to be an outlet for my thoughts and creativity. It’s a mixture of different things like myself and I like to think that I will provide writing for everyone to read.

 Well not trying to ramble just felt that this would be a good opportunity to look back at my personal accomplishments and set the stage for what is to come in the New Year. 2011, it’s been real.